Anxious

So tomorrow is the first time i have every done a massive event at my new job. Apparently there will be about 4000 people about and we are the main catering outlet. I am on food. So i need to make hundreds of toasties,sandwiches and jackets. I have no idea what it is going to be like other than busy.

I don’t know if i will be able to cope even thinking about it now makes me feel so anxious i physically want to throw up. Talking about it today with my boss made me feel like throwing up. I feel like i am going to fail. I’m going to let everyone down and i will be the reason it doesn’t work.

I have been trying this ‘grounding’ technique where you put your hand on your face and then pull it away. As you pull it away you momentarily hold all your anxiety and troubles in your hand so you can focus on what you are doing in the moment. I hope it works tomorrow because at the moment what i see is me curled up in a ball having been so overwhelmed i’ve let everybody down. I don’t know if i’m going to sleep a wink tonight. Which isn’t going to be helpful because my anxiety today made me light headed and sick so if i have no sleep then on the day i’m not going to be any better.

Hold my troubles momentarily in my hand. That is how i am going to get through.

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