I don’t know what to even write when i go online now. I don’t know what will help. It always seems to me that i write the same thing.
I don’t think i’m doing great at the moment. I’m definitely not doing the worst. I remember when id just sit in a wood on my days off and just fantasise about how i could die or even about how i could fix my life. I’ve never been strong enough to really do it. I haven’t done that in maybe a month now.
I have a few new worries however. Number one is that i still haven’t had an appointment to talk to a professional since my last one before Christmas when she decided she wasn’t the right person for me. How can they suddenly just dump me. I have heard nothing in nearly 3 months. How is that fair?
Number two is that i told a my big deal thing and i don’t know if she believes me. I feel like i was taken advantage of. I feel used. I feel like my control was taken away. I don’t know exactly what happened, i don’t know if you can call it assault let alone rape. But is it bad that i feel like i was the victim. I don’t even know what happened yet i feel like i am a rape victim. Is that even allowed?