I have come up with the word that really describes me right now. Coasting.

I feel like its not really real. All my days merge into one and then I cant even remember what day it is.

I think I feel bad but then maybe I don’t because I haven’t crashed and burned yet. I feel like the only way to really be seen is to crash and burn. Then people believe you.

I’ve been waiting over two months now for a referral. After the shrink I waited 8 weeks to see decided that she wasn’t the right person for me and apparently gave me another ‘urgent’ referral. Well bollocks to that.

People are fucking sly and horrible and untrue. I have been putting off seeing A as well because i feel though if I talk to her truthfully it will just open the box and there is no one who is helping me try to sort out the mess inside so i will just explode. I’m seeing her later this week so that is gonna be interesting. I couldn’t put it off any longer, the surgery actually phoned me and said I needed to go see her! In some ways I want to but in others defiantly not.




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