Confusing myself.

Its easier to keep it in a box. Maybe because its easier to pretend the whole time than to let myself admit that it’s not ok.

Maybe i am actually fine. Sometimes i don’t know if i am actually ok or not, maybe everyone feels like this under the surface but they just aren’t as connected and in touch with it.

It’s the same sort of thing with the ‘am i actually ok’ question and the ‘did it really happen’ question. Part of me thinks i am fine and part of me doesnt so overall i don’t know. Its the same with the other thing.

I think if i was attached to a lie detector machine and asked if it happened i would be able to say yes and no and for both to be true. When i mentioned it to A before i found it difficult to accept i had even said it. On one hand i know it happened but then on the other hand i can totally convince myself it didn’t.

Why is it all so confusing?


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