I wonder what people see when they look at me?
I wonder if they can tell that im struggling. Everytime i see her A tells me that i dont think enough of myself. I think i ve got myself pegged mayeb others thing to much. I just do what other people would do, im kind and like to put other people first. But so do many people!
I feel like any anxiety is sometimes very visible. In certain situations when there are lots of people about i freek out. I have a whole other dialogue in my head which n one ever hears. I wonder what they would think if the could hear it. Would it freek them out? It freeks me out!
I always thing it would be really interesting ot meet yourself in real life. To see yourself how you see a stranger. Judge yourself as you judge a stranger. Would you stand out from the crowd or hide in the back ground. Would you appear broken or stable.
But then can you be both. I think im a bit broken but also pretty stable. I can pretend to be fine with more ease that being myself, how i actually feel. You know when you get lost in a lie. I feel like im lost in a lie because im never honest with who i am and how i feel. Its all fake really. I wonder how much of the real me people see or it is all the fake?