I don’t really know what i am doing anymore. I feel like i am plodding along. I have no real aim. I’m 3 days post op so to be fair im not allowed to do very much.
I spent my time between eating, sleeping, watching tv and thinking. Probably a bit too much of the thinking. It’s massively overrated! And it never helps anything. I hate just going through the same steps over and over again. I could be a young professional by now but i dont see that happening.
I think one of my problems is that i have no real aim. Not too long-term just a year or so. I want to join the police really. Thats the one thing i have always wanted and dreamed of doing. I get worried that all that’s going on in my head will stop me from achieving this. That is one reason why i find it very difficult talking to professionals. Because then its on my record forever.
I just feel like it would be so much easier not to be here. Im not getting anywhere with my life so what is the point. You see all these lives people make for themselves on tv and even people around you. How did they get there? I dont understand how life can be so different for two people. It seems a cruel system. Why cant i be like them?