So I am currently travelling on a train to spend tomorrow near my hospital because i have leg surgery on Tuesday.
I can say for sure im not looking forward to the period of about 2 weeks after when i will kinda be stranded. I know how bad i get in a day so the thought of 2 weeks is scary. When im not working or when im not busy i get stupidly bad. What am i going to get like when i can hardly move from the sofa. Im worried i am going to crash. I dont know if i will even be able to go and see A. I cant normally get through 2 weeks without seeing her so how am i going to get through two weeks when im at my worst.
I can see myself sat on the sofa slowly getting taken over by the grey cloud that takes over my mind. Its such a daunting prospect. I dont know why it scares me though. I think that must mean im taking steps in the right direction. Because im sure even a few months ago i wasn’t thinking so far ahead.
I think however it is making me more nervous about the surgery. At least now when i need to leave the house or see A i can. I am going to see the friendly shrink thinking of that also makes my stomach turn. It makes me nervous. I dont know what i should say even if i know what i want to.
Isolation isnt going to bode well.