Being tired is bad. I hate it. I find i react really badly to being tired. It makes me lazy, it makes me feel like i cant be bothered.
Especially when its dark. I don’t know what it is about the darkness but it seems to make everything worse. Apart from sometimes i feel a new strength. I come up with these amazing plans about what i’m going to do the next day, how i’m going to conquer it. I come up with things that i want to tell A but i never tell her. I never have the confidence.
Isn’t it weird that at night you can imagine you doing things that actually are out of reach for you.
I suppose i get lonely at night also. Everyone else is asleep. I hate being alone but then i hate being in company all the time. It doesn’t really make any sense but i guess none of this does. Maybe that’s the point it has turned my brain into 2 people who argue and fight with each other and there can only be one winner. And normally the winner isn’t who i want it to be.
I wonder what goes on in the head of everyone else. Do they have similar battles to me. No one ever talks about these secret battles so how do i know if i’m mad or normal?