A meet with an old friend.

So i have a friend who i haven’t spoken to properly for about 2 years. We used to be best friends then something happened. I can’t remember if i mentioned it before but they were having a bed night and ended up physically attacking me and had their hands around my neck. If wasnt nice obviously and we havent been the same since. There have been many knock on effects from this incident which i think i will talk about tomorrow.

Anyway, so i heard through a friend that this person we will go with L, hasn’t gone back to uni yet. L should have gone back 2 months ago! I am the closest one to where he lives so i plucked up the courage to put the past behind me for a bit and try to talk to him. I didn’t want to tell L i was coming because i was scared that he wouldn’t open the door. Also i didnt want to say i was and then chicken out last minute. Because believe me it was a massive deal going to see L.

L doesn’t want to talk about the incident. He mentioned before when id tried really hard to reconcile but L decided against it and because id built myself up to talk to him again it nearly broke me when he suddenly decided it wouldn’t be a good idea.

We just sat and chatted about normal things, i knew he wasnt doing so well at the moment, hence not being at uni but it’s always been really difficult to get any info out of him! He has been really really ill before so i just wanted to make sure we weren’t heading in that direction again! I tried to get him to open up by me being really honest about what im going through at the moment but it just seemed so minor to where i know he is at and has been.

I brought cake which tends to make everything a little better even just for a while! We didnt massively talk about the big things but i think it was an achievement talking about anything with me. We kept on bringing the conversation around to try to get somewhere. I left L on good terms and we are planning on meeting next week so overall it went well.

When id left i felt lots of different emotions. I felt sad that i hadn’t been there for the last two years to be a friend. I felt angry that he didn’t want to talk about the incident which has effected my everyday since it happened. I felt ashamed that i was angry even though i now he was ill at the time. I felt selfish for wanting to make it about me. But i felt stronger that id reached out and tried to heal the old wound. I feel like i understand him more now knowing the troubles i have had recently when the insane becomes a possibility that you consider.

Most of all i really hope i helped. I didn’t want to make it more awkward and i didnt want L to feel any pressure but i think L needed to talk to someone, and me is better than no one i hope.


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