So i had my appointment with A today. I sat there in silence for about half an hour.I felt different after last week. For some reason the last few days have felt different, i feel kinda numb.

I mean i’m not great at talking anyway but today i’m sure i was worse. I felt like there were so many things i wanted to say but i couldn’t think of any of them. I feel really blank and empty. Sometimes i think that maybe id rather feel bad than feel nothing.

I feel like i’m waiting for something but don’t know what it is. I feel like i just want to collapse in a heap on the floor. I want to cry and i want to  scream at the same time. Maybe that’s why people hurt themselves, just so they can feel something.And i totally understand that because feeling nothing is horrible.

I try to make myself think differently. I try to tell myself at least i don’t feel bad maybe feeling nothing is a blessing.

But i’m not convinced.

I think today is going to be hard.


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