The facade.

Something strange happened at work today.

The day started well i was doing alright and feeling alright. Not feeling amazing but not feeling bad. Then the phone rang and as normal i ran to give it to someone else because one of the things i hate most in life is talking on the phone!

After the boss had spoken to whomever was on the other end of the phone he was talking to me. He said it was strange how much i hated talking on the phone because im such an outgoing friendly talk to anyone character. He said i put people at ease and am in such good spirits all the time.

This made me feel strange. I kept on thinking if only he knew what was under the mask. And that’s what it is a mask. It’s a massive mask that means since the start of my new job he would have no reason to think im ill. I act so happy and overly silly so people laugh at me and so people think i am fine. I have such a facade that im not sure who has actually seen whats underneath.

It’s a sad thought to think that no one really knows you. Even that no one knows even half of you. That’s another form of loneliness. One i think i have been living with ever since i can remember. My brain is so active and i keep it so secret.

I wonder what he would say if i told him my troubles. Then i think what would other people say. They may not believe me, i don’t know if i would believe me! Then i wonder if i really am ill of its just a thing. But i know deep down that it isn’t. The longing every night to not wake up in the morning isnt fake. The empty pit inside me everyday isnt fake. The mask may be fake but the sadness within isnt.

Advertisements

One thought on “The facade.

  1. Wow. Never have I read something so relatable. This truly is so sad to hear, but I truly understand your point of view. It’s a sad world how people like yourself are strong enough to put such a brave face on when on the other side things are so unbelievably difficult. The strength you have is unbelievable. I just hope people get to understand you for what you are feeling underneath through time, because true friends will be able to see under that soon enough. All the best bud 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s