Loneliness

For me to feel alone is one of the worst feelings in the world.

I recently left uni and moved back home and all my friends have moved away. I went through school without having a moment to myself. I went through uni mostly the same apart from the odd occasion i either wanted some alone time or no one was about!

Now i am back it is hard. I go through days without talking to friends on social media, i go through weeks without seeing friends and i go through months with no real needed deep conversations with people.

I saw one of my friends today, only for a few hours, she had been home for the weekend but it seems like she doesn’t actually want to see me. We chatted and i ate with her family and then she left and i sat and watched a film with her mum before my taxi home could get me. It was weird i felt so at peace when i was sat on the sofa with her mum. When my friend had been there it felt like she was purposefully trying to fill the gaps in conversations.

Now i’m back home and actually feel as lonely as ever. I think it was the little taster of not being lonely that actually made it worse!

When i’m lonely i get sad, then fall like a landslide spiralling out of control. If my best friend doesn’t want to see me then whats the real point. I wonder if i’m just a boring person now. Maybe i am no fun to be around. But if she cant put the effort in then who will. Maybe its just not worth it.

But hey, i got through the day. I like sleeping so i can look forward to that. I had some moments of peace i will just cherish those and maybe tomorrow will be better. And if it isn’t i still have my comfort blanket.

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