I know i have already posted today. But i needed to get this out there for me.
It’s bad this evening. I don’t know what changed. It’s my day off and I was fine I went out, went shopping and met some friends. It was a good day.
Now I feel strange. I feel like I am holding my breath and hyperventilating at the same time. I feel like I am concentrating so hard that I’m not blinking but all I see is blurry. I feel like screaming or running, not anywhere specific jut sprinting into the dark. My head hurts, I actually have a physical headache.
There was no trigger, nothing weird, I just stopped watching tv and suddenly I felt like someone was pulling my ears away from my head. I’m just sat in the dark on the floor. I wanted to write this in the moment. I will probably read it in the morning and think it’s silly. I don’t know if I will show you but I want to. I’m dreading work tomorrow. Just the prospect of having to face people. But then I know it’s good for me, when I’m there.
I get this weird nearly silent ringing, sort of a pulsing in my head. When this has happened before I play music to try and cover it up. It does work a bit but it makes me feel totally empty. I feel like I’m going mad. The change is lightning fast, i didn’t see it coming. This is the bit that really scares me.