In some ways I don’t think I could function without work. I have been there maybe 2 months now. I was supposed to be part-time 3/4 days a week and secretly i thought that was too many. Its ended up being 5/6 days a week really! The days are long but i start late and finish late which only leaves me the mornings. Mornings are always better than evenings.
When i am at work i don’t have time to think about anything else. It keeps me busy for nearly every minute, i can just go through the list without thinking and don’t need to give a thought to anything else. Sometimes the grey creeps up on me if its quiet, but then i can manage to hide it by doing some really not needed cleaning. I told someone at work. That was a big deal for me. He was shocked, i guess because he realised how good my work mask is! He doesn’t bring it up it’s just a thing and it hasn’t changed how he sees me. It was a bit strange for me to see how someone reacts to it. He reacted better than i thought someone would.
On the rare day of I can fall fast, i feel like i am a tonne of bricks. In a few minutes i can go from being ok to being in pitch black. It’s scary how fast i can go from plodding along to thinking it’s easier and better not to be here.That’s why work keeps me going. It keeps me plodding.