Years ago I was normal(well in my mind). There weren’t really any serious things I thought about myself. People say things creep up on you and its true. I don’t know when it was that I started thinking differently and focusing on different things but it happened without me even realising.
Stuff happens to everyone. Everyone has burdens. Why do mine affect me? I just want to be back to before when I wouldn’t even consider writing this.
A few years ago someone put their hands around my throat. This person moved on from the incident unscathed, they probably don’t think about it anymore. I do. It makes me angry that I let myself get into that position. It makes me angry that it still affects me. It makes me angry that I let something so small change me. Everyone else sees it as small. I don’t. I’m sure everyone else wont think it bothered me. Its a double edged sword. I don’t want to seem like it bothers me but sometimes its allowed to.
Weakness is a big thing for me. I’m the steady one that deals with everything well, gives advice and is just there to talk to. Sometimes I want to be heard. But I don’t want to be looked at or treated differently. But sometimes I do.